View Full Version : hey ytmnsfw, I could really use some help
oOBatteryOo
05-08-2012, 01:55 AM
I am 25, my cousin is 23, and her bf is 26. My cousin and I have gotten really close in the last few years, and lately she's been calling me in the middle of the night after fighting with her boyfriend. I live 3 hours away so I can't physically be there for her. She's been with him for about 3 years now, and a few months ago I was visiting her and she called me in the middle of the night, in tears after a bad fight. I left my boyfriends house and met her for coffee where she confessed that he used to be very physical with her but that he had stopped getting violent and instead just hurled verbal attacks at her. I wont go into details, but their relationship is essentially non-existent. They live together and are constantly arguing and fighting over everything. He has completely destroyed her self-esteem.
Last night she called me again, saying that he started getting physical again. She left the house and called me from outside. I listened to her and suggested she call the cops. She refused, returned inside and texted me to let me know she was fine and they both had gone to bed in different rooms (I said if I didn't hear from her I'd be calling the cops myself). She's at the point where I feel like she's ready to leave him but she feels like she has no where else to go. She's got a great job that she loves and really can't leave. I'm too far away to be much help. She does have the weekend off and is coming here to spend the weekend.
2X I am so scared for her. I'm terrified her bf is going to put her in the hospital, or worse. My boyfriend has offered his place to crash if she ever needs it (they live in the same city). I have no idea what to do to help her. Mostly I just try to reassure her that she's not crazy, that he is wrong to do this, and that I love her and am there for her. There's not much physical evidence so calling the cops after the fact won't do much I'm afraid. She's also afraid of retribution. I just feel like there's more that I could/should do for her.
lnopia the great
05-08-2012, 02:01 AM
I am 25, my cousin is 23, and her bf is 26. My cousin and I have gotten really close in the last few years, and lately she's been calling me in the middle of the night after fighting with her boyfriend. I live 3 hours away so I can't physically be there for her. She's been with him for about 3 years now, and a few months ago I was visiting her and she called me in the middle of the night, in tears after a bad fight. I left my boyfriends house and met her for coffee where she confessed that he used to be very physical with her but that he had stopped getting violent and instead just hurled verbal attacks at her. I wont go into details, but their relationship is essentially non-existent. They live together and are constantly arguing and fighting over everything. He has completely destroyed her self-esteem.
Last night she called me again, saying that he started getting physical again. She left the house and called me from outside. I listened to her and suggested she call the cops. She refused, returned inside and texted me to let me know she was fine and they both had gone to bed in different rooms (I said if I didn't hear from her I'd be calling the cops myself). She's at the point where I feel like she's ready to leave him but she feels like she has no where else to go. She's got a great job that she loves and really can't leave. I'm too far away to be much help. She does have the weekend off and is coming here to spend the weekend.
2X I am so scared for her. I'm terrified her bf is going to put her in the hospital, or worse. My boyfriend has offered his place to crash if she ever needs it (they live in the same city). I have no idea what to do to help her. Mostly I just try to reassure her that she's not crazy, that he is wrong to do this, and that I love her and am there for her. There's not much physical evidence so calling the cops after the fact won't do much I'm afraid. She's also afraid of retribution. I just feel like there's more that I could/should do for her.
oOBatteryOo
05-08-2012, 02:04 AM
Nine months ago I had a messy break up with an ex boyfriend. I won't get into details, but I can sum up how bad it was with a quote from the last two torturous days we spent together.
"No one loves you, I'm the only one that loves you."
That was after spending almost two years together. I left my family behind to travel with him, lived from hotel to hotel, and generally numbed myself to his double standards. He was never physically abusive, just mentally. Eventually, I got out and moved away. Now I have a new man who is stable, loving and understanding. But ever since I left my last ex, I have nightmares about him frequently. They range from mild things, like he intrudes on a meal or work shift, to extreme like he kills my current boyfriend or my dog (she is basically a daughter to me). I've talked to my boyfriend about it and he's always supportive. He will drop what he's doing to console me while I cry and what not.
I guess I'm curious. Is nine months after the event too long to still be having nightmares? Should I seek help? I have never felt that it would prevent me from functioning in society, but I also don't want this to continue for much longer. I have been in an abusive relationship before that escalated to much worse, but I was able to recover quickly and move on. I guess I'm just not understanding my own brain. I'd love to hear similar experiences and how they were dealt with!
lnopia the great
05-08-2012, 02:25 AM
Nine months ago I had a messy break up with an ex boyfriend. I won't get into details, but I can sum up how bad it was with a quote from the last two torturous days we spent together.
"No one loves you, I'm the only one that loves you."
That was after spending almost two years together. I left my family behind to travel with him, lived from hotel to hotel, and generally numbed myself to his double standards. He was never physically abusive, just mentally. Eventually, I got out and moved away. Now I have a new man who is stable, loving and understanding. But ever since I left my last ex, I have nightmares about him frequently. They range from mild things, like he intrudes on a meal or work shift, to extreme like he kills my current boyfriend or my dog (she is basically a daughter to me). I've talked to my boyfriend about it and he's always supportive. He will drop what he's doing to console me while I cry and what not.
I guess I'm curious. Is nine months after the event too long to still be having nightmares? Should I seek help? I have never felt that it would prevent me from functioning in society, but I also don't want this to continue for much longer. I have been in an abusive relationship before that escalated to much worse, but I was able to recover quickly and move on. I guess I'm just not understanding my own brain. I'd love to hear similar experiences and how they were dealt with!
timmy
05-08-2012, 02:55 AM
my advice: become a lesbian and fuck your sister
Plug Drugs
05-08-2012, 03:33 AM
DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT I HAVE TO LIGHT MY CIGARETTES IN THE TOASTER BECAUSE I CANT AFFORD A LIGHTER??????
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