<P><strong>Chapter 1: Dreams Die
Hard</strong></p><P>Baby Fozzie stepped out
of his car. His pinwheel hat blew gently in the wind's cold air.
"What motherfucker are we gonna have to take down this time?"
he said in his gruff voice as he raised his middle finger high in the
air, signaling Gonzo to, as he put it, "get the fuck away".</p><P>"I've called you men
here for one reason alone," said Charley, his voice cracking as
usual,"Salvatore...he's had Jack holed up in the pen for weeks,
and Louis even longer...he's framed them, for the deaths of 289
kangaroos, a huge crack ring, involvment in the 911 terrorists
attacks, and sexual harrasment of a minor."</p><P>"Why the fuck should
we help you?" shouted Eddie McDowd, his patience already tired.
"I've got 11 more motherfucking deeds left, and I ain't gonna
let some low down nigger from stopping me from becoming a guy again.
I need to be the Grand Wizard of the Klan once again."</p><P>"I dunno," said
Doug, his green vest and nose covered in a mysterious white powder.
"We've got it all, now that we've killed the leader of the Umpah
Lompah union."</p><P>"No!," said a
stranger from behind them. "We do it for justice, and for
Alice."</p><P>Out of the darkness, the
slim figure of Static Shop emerged. "We do it, for the mad
crack."</p><P>Charlie thought to
himself, "How did things go so astray?"</p><P>Flashback 1 Month
Previous</p><P>Louis ran as fast as his
weight allowed, "Give a Nigga a break!" A jet black
Escalade was hot on his trail. Louis stopped and turned around, "Who
the fuck are you guys!?" The car stopped, and a man leaned out
of the window, pointing an Uzi at Louis' direction. "HOLY
FUCK!" Lous started running once more, trying to avoid the
rapid gunfire coming behind him. Another man leaned out of the
opposite window and pulled out a rifle, he took aim and landed a
round into Louis' fat, black ass. "What the hell!?" Louis
yelled, it was only a tranqulizer dart. Another one tore into the
opposite cheek, "It takes a lot more than two tranqs. to take
down this Nigga," as Louis said this a painful clip of the Uzi's
ammo landed into his left leg, "AWW, SHIT!" he yelled.</p><P>The car stopped, and a
familiar face climbed out. It was Salvatore, "Well, well, what
have we here?" he said nonchalontly. "Fuck you man, fuck
you!" Lousi spat on Salvatore's sparkling black dress shoes.
With this Salvatore kicked Louis swiftly in the mouth, "You
won't be doing any fucking any time soon," Salvatore said
maniacally, he then snapped his fingers and Carrot Top stepped out of
the car, " have you're way with him. He pulled out an unusual
prop, one Louis wouldn't be forgetting for a long time to come. And
with that, Carrot Top's passionate moans couild be heard throughout
the city-scape.</p><P>Louis awoke several hours
later in a daze, he was in a chair in what looked like an
interrogation room. There was a cop, the name tag read "Carl
Winslow." "Wh..Where the hell am I?" Louis said.
Winslow replied smugly, "You're in jail, Nigga." Louis was
aghast, "Jail!? What the fuck did I do!?" Winslow sat a
large bag of pure Columbian cocaine on the desk, one Colt .45, and
two Cannibas plants. Winslow said, "Don't fuck around with me,
Nigga. What were you planning to do? Smoke it? Sell it?"
Louis interrupted, "The fuck I was, that shit ain't mine!"
Louis stood up and slammed his fists on the table. Winslow snarled,
and gave a swift left hook to Louis' already bruised face, "Don't
play that shit with me, Fuckface! I know how it goes down around
here." Louis coughed, some blood came out, along with a tooth,
"Bastard..." Winslow laughed loudly, "Take this
fucker to his cell boys." Louis was the grabbed by two other
policeman, and drug into a musty cell.</p><P>Meanwhile, in the
Australian Outback.....</p><P>Jackie Legs bent down and
took a drink of sandy water in the only decent watering-hole around
anymore. The Outback had gone to Hell in the months recent, Poachers
now reigned supreme. But something else was wrong, what was that
noise polluting Jack's ears. Could it be, gunfire? Jack took off
his shades and turned around, two black Jeep Wranglers were rushing
towards him, on top of one was a man Jack never wanted to see again,
it was Salvatore. "Get the motherfucking Kangaroo." he
said, pointing towards Jack.</p><P>Eliza Thornberry, head of
the Reservation, saw the Jeeps and yelled, "Run Jack, RU...."
she was interuppted as an AK-47's blazing bullets ripped through her
neck. Jack had to get the fuck outta there. Jack began hopping fast
as he could, watching the other kangaroos get mowed down by gunfire.
As Jack was hopping to get away, he tripped over an AOL free-trial
disc, that had been trashed, as it should have been, laying on the
ground. The Jeeps came to a stop, and Salvatore threw a weighted net
over Jack. They had him.</p><P><strong>To Be Continued In: </strong></p><P><strong>Kangaroo Jack 2: The
Edge of Reason, Chapter 2: Old Friends</strong></p>