Counter-Strike Duel: clay vs. rubycalaber

[rubycalaber]

since clay for some reason cares what happens to this forum he has been concerned with Plug Drugs being S-Mod since he has fallen in e-love with lizard harpie Lisa I can only assume because they are both drug addicts and clay thinks she is going to get him to fuck up the forum or give her his account or something and then we'll have some sort of nightmare lizard coup d'état scenario where overlord lisa puts unblockable eminem autoplays in every thread and we all have to talk about lolcows and house painting and you get your IP address given to flagercharts international network of assassins if you dont refer to obnoxious bitch as "she" and since I didnt care but for the sake of a megathread I pretended to want to keep him mod out of a sense of fair play or some such bad out of character writing since he beat me in a duel for modship so we decided to settle it like men on the battlefield... the... the source of... the battlefield... in counter-strike: source... only problem is clay had never played counter-strike before and had to borrow someone elses account and like whenever else he talks to me he can only manage it while being very drunk so just keep that in mind that clay is using drugs to cheat also clay ran fraps so I could use his footage from his end to make an extremely fucking epic intercut video from both our POVs but being a drunk snickerz addled very nice guy who I like he only got the sample version that only takes 20 second samples and he sent me a completely unusable clip of him going uh............ fuck.......... uh............. trying to choose which character skin to be that I could have put in at the start for some not funny anti-comedy but if thats your thing maybe check out the herpetarium my video needs to be non stop action so lets let the bodies hit the floooooooooar and such

the stakes: if clay wins he gets to de-mod plug drugs

if I win he stays mod


the only rule: first to 15 kills wins!



ROUND 1

I was hoping clay had only played shit not fun nerd games like dota 2 like every other autist on this forum but he had obviously played fps before since he knows how to jump around corners guns blazing but little does he know I cannot aim for shit and always shoot straight over peoples heads so he actually jumped straight into my sights and I got a headshot in a way that looks like extreme skill

SCORE: clay 0 - 1 rubycalaber


ROUND 2

dust2 is a bad map for dueling since we spend literally like double the time we did fighting looking for each other so it may look like I am just cutting him down over and over again now that I can afford the M249 but like literally 20 minutes of wandering around looking for each other has been cut out

SCORE: clay 0 - 2 rubycalaber


ROUND 3

this is a cool back and fourth here I couldnt have with anyone else who knows how to aim since if you fire at anyone whos played this shit game for more than a few minutes they know to just crouch down and shoot you in the head since no fun allowed but clay runs in and out of cover spraying at me like a mad cunt but I eventually win just because he was still using a pistol

SCORE: clay 0 - 3 rubycalaber


ROUND 4

we actually spent so much time looking for each other that the timer on the round ran down and it awarded me the point since clay didnt plant the bomb he probably didnt even realize he had so the score got a little fucked up but its kills we're keeping track off and then I kill him again because he bought the fucking Galil that's a useless piece of shit

SCORE: clay 0 - 4 rubycalaber


ROUND 5

then I try to fight fair which is of course always a bad idea even if its just for a funny youtube video since I go pistol only but as soon as I find him and I see he's discovered the M2cheating9 and when I go to attack him I should have just run straight at him since all pistols are shit more than one meter away and clay has not learnt the art of downloading aimbot.exe for quick target acquisition like everyone else who plays this game

SCORE: clay 1 - 4 rubycalaber


ROUND 6

and then we both buy M249s so it's double unfair but unfortunately for me I forgot that that stupid block I'm sitting on is specifically designed for head glitching and clay figured out the key to winning games is to crouch to give yourself aimbot

SCORE: clay 2 - 4 rubycalaber


ROUND 7

and clay is learning unfair game tactics at an exponential rate since now he's learnt how to camp in corners and wait an hour for you to walk past so he can shoot you in the back but it doesnt pan out for him since I've learnt to start shooting the M249 before I go around a corner to kill everyone around it lmao

SCORE: clay 2 - 5 rubycalaber


ROUND 8

and then we have another good back and fourth where I use covering fire aka blindly firing in his general direction fuck you its a real tactic and it actually works since clay hasnt realized you can only hit someone when you're stopped dead in your tracks crouching at them so instead of doing that himself and instantly killing me he runs behind walls and shit and since hes figured out the key to winning games is to buy the M249 and mag dump the entire thing in the general direction of the enemy I just stand back and wait for him to run out of ammo since I guess he hadnt figured out that an important part of counter-strike is to listen to what your enemy is doing to learn where they are and how much ammo they have left so he just unloads at the corner hoping I'll come around and then I walk around the corner and blast the fubungo out of him while hes sloooooooooowly reloading

SCORE: clay 2 - 6 rubycalaber


ROUND 9

then I try to aim and it doesnt pan out at all since games suck so I just literally hold down the trigger and run straight at him and unfairly catch one pixel of his head over a wall

SCORE: clay 2 - 7 rubycalaber


ROUND 10

then I spend too long looking at the score and on this server you only have 15 minutes to buy your epin gear so I was stuck with the starting pistol again but still operate the fug out of him

SCORE: clay 2 - 8 rubycalaber


ROUND 11

this is where my downfall begins where I try to be funny and anyone whos read this forum before knows I cannot be funny I try to get a kill with the scout the gayest snipe rifle in the game and all sniper rifles are shit in all games since all games are designed for running straight at each other mag dumping but after several minutes of not finding each other games I try to no scope him and he just unloads the M249 into me

SCORE: clay 3 - 8 rubycalaber


ROUND 12

and then I go shotgun but not just any shotgun the pump action shotgun this is like the trifecta of shit video game weapons shotguns, sniper rifles and grenades which never ever kill anyone which you'll see a lot of later and of course I dont effect him in any way shape or form and he just shoots me hmm very funny and entertaining I'm glad I thought of this idea of picking bad weapons

SCORE: clay 4 - 8 rubycalaber


ROUND 13

then I try going auto-shotty which is only good in office since you can just run down a hallway and you'll probably get someone in it but in this map you can just move behind a wall so all shotguns are useless and after putting a few shells down that hallway to no effect again he catches me in the head with the Mfagmaster4nigger

SCORE: clay 5 - 8 rubycalaber


ROUND 14

after a quick guest star appearance from the big man steven yelle playing his guitar for us I catch clay having a fun little game of spinning around on the spot and blast him with the Steyr TMP which I presume was shit since no one has ever used it in the history of gaming but it was actually ok

SCORE: clay 5 - 9 rubycalaber


ROUND 15

then we have another good back and fourth of me putting three mags and him putting 100 rounds through these two wooden doors at each other not getting a single hit each and then I hear him reloading and try to run in with my knife out to get a Comedy Kill™ but I was too late and he just shot me

SCORE: clay 6 - 9 rubycalaber

loolloolllolololol 69!!!!!!! its like sex!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ROUND 16

then I choose the Krieg 552 which I dont think I've even fired before in this game lmao since I dont know if its semi-auto or what but clayton's not having any of it no no-scopes allowed he just blows my brains out with his hacker weapon

SCORE: clay 7 - 9 rubycalaber


ROUND 17

then I pick the third and last sniper the AWP notorious for being not fun and unfair and banned on a lot of servers and I finally manage to get a sniper kill but only because clay was camping in a corner wagging his gun around and I shoot him straight in his snickers stuffed face and then he sends me angry messages on steam that he was dancing fuck you faggot no fun allowed in video games

SCORE: clay 7 - 10 rubycalaber


ROUND 18

then I decide to go throwables only which is a terrible not funny idea just like this duel, thread, forum and my life but I cant even manage to be NF anymore because my 15 seconds of insane jew scrambling are up not that I'd be able to do anything with them since clay has literally learnt that how to win the game is to buy the M249 and camp crouching in a corner in an illegitimate spot you cant see when coming into a room but you can see all the entrances from and shoot people in the back

SCORE: clay 8 - 10 rubycalaber


ROUND 19

clays getting pretty fast on the draw since as soon as he sees me he puts a bullet in my chest for 40 damage but I have my throwable bullshit so I lay down some smoke which he fires blindly into good strategy tbh since sometimes people just rush through it to get closer to you but I chuck out a flash that idk if it gets him since hes ran away like a bitch nigga and when I throw my high explosive grenade at him it like veers off to the left like some fucking baseball special throw bullshit since you cannot place grenades for shit in this game and then there was this big long section of bullshit where I literally ran back to the spawn and picked my pistol back up and went looking for him for several minutes but then the round timer ran down and I bought more grenades so dont accuse me of hacking I just edited that out since no one died and then we end up in the same place but as soon as I throw my flash he just shoots me as I'm running back around the corner but this one gets him and he messages me like IM BLIND IM BLIND welcome to counter strike m8

SCORE: clay 9 - 10 rubycalaber


ROUND 20

then I get four grenades this time since I realized you can buy two flashes for double the rustling and as I toss both of them I think they dont get him since he keeps firing and gets me down to 24 hp but I guess he was just lucky at praying and spraying since he backs up but I throw out a smoke thinking I'll have to run into it but when I walk up the stairs hes no where to be seen and I can hear him back down that hallway so throw the grenade in but it of course doesnt affect him at all and then I'm forced to crouch in a corner waiting to try and stab him when he comes out but he just crouches out aiming right at me since thats the only place I'd have to camp and kills me I shoulda ran back for my piece again

SCORE: clay 10 - 10 rubycalaber


ROUND 21

and now that we're even I say whoever wins decides the fade of plugdrugs since talking is hard but lets pretend I was making an elezzzark reference and saying he'd get faded away if I lose and I do the same thing again buy all four grenades and toss them the fuck at him and I think I'm going to flash myself at one point but luckily I had smoke selected for no reason and I blind clay good and he has to run out through the tunnel and then I do the same thing again just wait for clay to unload the m249 spraying it madly until I move out and I hear him reloading and should have just rushed him but I wait for him to start shooting again and throw the grenade at the doorway in case he rushes in but he hangs back and then I have no choice but to rush him with my knife and I manage to get him once but no fun allowed and he kills me with a headshot but only because he was bunny hopping in case I had a gun lol so his aim was up a bit fuck you fatass

SCORE: clay 11 - 10 rubycalaber


ROUND 22

I keep trying to be funny and failing which is the story of my life and I cant even throw one dumb thing at him before he kills me

SCORE: clay 12 - 10 rubycalaber


ROUND 23

and then the server "changed maps" but it was a dust2 24/7 server so it just loaded the same map and it lost our score but I remembered it since thanks to Lost I have picked up an autistically keen head for noticing numbers but before I can even buy my bullshit I can hear clay scuttling around above me I dont think he has even realized where I spawn yet lmao and since its the first round according to this dumb game he cant afford the M249 so we've both got the starting pistols but since hes got 20 rounds he can just dump at me I die after having an extreme pistol duel and then run into a wall giving him a stationary target to hit and he knows crouching gives you hax so I'm fugged

SCORE: clay 13 - 10 rubycalaber


ROUND 24

and of course as soon as I've had enough of fun time I cant buy the m2cheater9 since I have 0 money (just like my replies) and have to buy the UMP aka the do you like getting hUMPed since thats what'll happen when you choose it and I throw a grenade to no effect just giving him the chance to clip me with his glock and then I unload this stupid slow firing inaccurate piece of garbage at him and he kills me fuuuuuuuggggggggg

SCORE: clay 14 - 10 rubycalaber


ROUND 25

so then I go for the TMP since I actually did good with that before but I have to actually aim down a long street so obviously cant land one hit and I throw a grenade but it veers off to the left for no reason again I will remember to aim a bit to the right next time and it doesnt effect him at all and then clay who is a fucking mexican spic beaner wetback character runs down the street spraying like a mad cunt and I think now is the time for high comedy but of course I am wrong and I hide behind the corner waiting for him to come around so I can stab him but hes too far away and shoots me awwwwwwwwwww shit

SCORE: clay 15 - 10 rubycalaber

WINNER: CLAY

f-f-forgive me plug drugs... I tried to defend your modship as best I could... APRIL FOOLS! I THREW THE MATCH! ALL SPORTS ARE FIXED!

is this why youve been so quiet on steam lol

maybe clay could accept my friend request on steam, or maybe he doesnt like me, gotta be hoenst it kinda hurts. I mean he has barry in his friends list for fucks sakes

[steveyos]

literally ten words into the thread: lisa

[Lisa Claus]

poor EMINEM

look at his forum now

give me a decade and the same thing will happen to you ruby

[Lisa Claus]

it has already begun

I am not the only one who wakes up in the night screaming, just ask dp

feels like 2006 again

[steveyos]

Lisa-Strike

[shakes]

shoutout to my steam account because clay is too poor to buy his own css

[maks]

Good job clay

lol this is honestly how mods decide things for this forum

[Genital Doli]

Its F*CKIng ridicuslous. FUCK The mods adn the admin.

shoutout to my steam account because clay is too poor to buy his own css

[steveyos]

Lisa-Strike

[steveyos]

yes good job clay. I'm sure this forum will be readable now.

[steveyos]

let the good times roll! things are looking up here at lisanet!

[Plug Drugs]

SHIT FUCK GOD DAMNIT

[DrHundos]

looks like plug drugs got the plug pulled

[Lisa Claus]

yeah it was a great move

Plug Drugs would have never given me his account as mod or banned anyone

if he had I would have edited all topics fuckwits make about me to *SHART* until they could get a life and post about something else

and instead now we have some fucking idiot who decided to literally ban every single female she could see in the forum aside from herself and delete any posts that were even just a slight to her after her rampage of fucktard try-hard insults at them, not to mention deleting the love topic I made to juji for some idiot jealous reason

congrats on the fantastic management of this place

[always stevey]

yeah it was a great move

Plug Drugs would have never given me his account as mod or banned anyone

if he had I would have edited all topics fuckwits make about me to *SHART*

and instead now we have some fucking idiot who decided to literally ban every single female she could see in the forum aside from herself

congrats on the fantastic management of this place

She didn't ban only females.

[always stevey]

I noticed sephiroth9999 is still banned :(

SHIT FUCK GOD DAMNIT

welp

[Lisa Claus]

She didn't ban only females.

yes she did

every female in the forum, the whole 3 of us.... oh and cody... that banning of cody was probably the only good thing she did but really the whole thing was fucking pathetic "quick tell me who else to ban and it might make you like me more"

sorry to burst your bubble. everyone who matters already likes her

[Lisa Claus]

I noticed sephiroth9999 is still banned :(

who fucking cares?

He can be found literally banning everyone at RH and TK until there is no-one left and they come crawling here

[Lisa Claus]

sorry to burst your bubble. everyone who matters already likes her

didn't seem that way you fucking loser

and you are not someone who matters

you're a moronic poster who literally just spams rubbish about myself and juji and before that Tim in the hope tha no-one will notice that you litreally make some of the shittest posts in this forum next to cody

now go run around and quote posts other people have made and then spam some random word rubbish in every topic in your attempt to pretend that you aren;t actually just huge fucking joke in this forum

[always stevey]

who fucking cares?

He can be found literally banning everyone at RH and TK until there is no-one left and they come crawling here

Yes he banned you several times and he enjoyed every moment of it. Sephiroth is the
most handsome man on the internet.

i thought you were leaving

[Lisa Claus]

Yes he banned you several times and he enjoyed every moment of it. Sephiroth is the
most handsome man on the internet.

um no

he banned me once at each forum and I didn't go back

also he is fat

fuck off back to RH or did he ban YOU too

I have a feeling you are "bitchface", the psycho fugly slag who was obsessed with me at RH and who ESAD and Jibbles rejected at every desperate plea for sexual attention and cyber sex from