My father the narcissist

[o0Battery0o]

In my past I would have to say it has... being willing to put up with various forms of abuse because the alternative in my mind was being alone forever and once trapped in the cycle and it being all I knew I was prone to believe that there wasn't anything better for me out there, that no-one could ever love me, or that there just must be something about me that makes people treat me that way... there was something about me that made certain people treat me that way and that was a fear that I'd have nothing without them... the willingness to cling to them no matter how bad they treated me.

I still feel painfully lonely at times and can't say at all that's it's ever been roses on the other side but I can say that I was much better off without them... some like family are harder to let go of than others and things will never be peachy but I was just wondering if any others had any thoughts about this... do you think that maybe BPD can make you more prone to being open to abuse from others?

It's awfully confusing.... I cried and became depressed when I came here because I thought "So this is what it's come to? If I want to talk to people the only ones who will have me are in a "mentally ill" forum".... I want so much to be seen as normal but I just don't quite fit in anywhere.... I have adjustment disorder and I over analyse things too much... things that just seem to roll off other's backs seem to cut me like a knife, disable me. I've battled my whole life to be a functional person but sometimes my emotions just cripple me.

You know BPD's we're meant to actually in general be a bright (as in smart) bunch... maybe we're not necessarily emotionally retarded but just emotionally sensitive, we care a lot, sometimes we have to shut down because it's all too much, sometimes we feel like we need to do something drastic to change a situation... I don't know because I'm sure we are still all different and cope and deal with things differently but I maybe wanted to get a few of us thinking if we actually leave ourselves more open to abuse because of the way we are.

Thoughts appreciated if any... and if none well I had a good ramble anyway... was better than driving myself mad while not sleeping.

[o0Battery0o]

there's worse people in the world than my father I guess.... could have done a lot worse but emotionally, well he's one of the people in the world who is able to destroy me emotionally and frequently does... it's taking me a long time to learn how to deal with that and I haven't learnt how to yet... I try not to have too much to do with him but he's my father... but I've learnt that if I need confidence in myself then he's the last person I need to be speaking to.

[o0Battery0o]

I want to ask a narcissist, do narcissists actually feel love? I don't understand. See I want to be able to fix what is essentially a completely emotionally destroyed relationship (at least for me, I really don't understand his emotions, not that I'm an emotional genius at the best of times but I digress). What is the best thing for me to do? Should I stay right away if I am not emotionally capable of having a relationship with my own father or is there a way for me to have one with him without being emotionally crushed like a bug?

A shrink once suggested I have Borderline Personality Disorder and I probably do/have... I am also a grown woman and it probably sounds ridiculous to a narcissist for me to even ask this.... I mean everyone is different anyway but I do love my Dad but I feel I can't have anything to do with him on an emotional level because I get destroyed.... and this is a paradoxical situation for me. I'm not very good at dealing with emotions. Now if someone came into the BPD section and said this I'd be annoyed because I'd feel like they are trying to stigmatise someone. I'm his daughter but I think in his mind I'm easily tossed aside and replaced if I'm not bowing down.

What is it he gains? What is it he feels? What can I do?

God damn it, I'm searching for a magic wand to wave that could fix everything and it doesn't exist, I was never even going to ever even look in this section but I started giving it a lot of thought and I thought the narcissists that post here must be better than any other I've ever encountered to even be here in the first place. I know no-one really has an answer for me but I did read that some of the sufferers actually like having "non" thoughts to bounce off... so if any have any constructive thoughts for me on the matter please bounce away... if not that's it from me and I'll crawl back to the holes I came from. It was good to have this chat with my keyboard and computer screen in any event.

As it stands with my Dad I can't have any kind of emotional relationship with him if I am to protect myself, my feelings and my sanity but worse things sure do happen in life so... such is life.

[maks]

maybe you are ready to move away from this abusive relationship. Your N partner, sensing this is now in 'courtship mode' Trying to reel you back in (hovering). Missing his N supply I imagine.
The problem is when/if you are hooked again he will carry on treating you badly.
You have taken a big step moving away, perhaps you are ready to call an end to this relationship, and start a new chapter in your life.

[maks]

what the fuck is N

[o0Battery0o]

You are not qualified to physco-analyse me and not only do you fall short in your surmisation but you could never even fathom the depths and complexities of how my mind actually works and why. But why do I pick on you for my textual obsession? Because I like you.

[maks]

I named one of my chickens after you, i named it heidi because you can not deny thats youre real name because you told it to me back when you liked me, before you turned into a lying whore. shes my favorite chicken too. when i pick her up she knows shes my favorite because she gets so excited that im holding her, the same way i always imagined you would get excited while i held you under a tree after a picnic, but now youre a stupid lying bitch and all you want to do is spread lies about me.
look im very upset right now, i just wish we could work things out and be friends again, and maybe some day you would like me again. i know that might not be very reasonable to hear now but please, i know theirs a part of you that deserves another chance, i know youre a nice person at heart. fuck you, your a stupid lying piece of garbage and i wish you were never born!

[o0Battery0o]

a gutfull of these fuckheads trolling my topics and you can kiss my "butthurt" ass drop-kicks

[o0Battery0o]

dont ask me what the last five words mean, I was bleeding out when I typed that

LOL

[maks]

as much tongue in cheek you hold in your continued posting, it does not conceal the fact that you are legitimately attempting to incite the blacklisting of my ip address.

[maks]

http://www.mxtoolbox.com/

[o0Battery0o]

i opened those links

now what?

[o0Battery0o]

MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[o0Battery0o]

He also teached me.

In my boy shorts.

He loved me more than any other man ever could